Pickle.

What to write, how to write it, and what to say?
There are probably more thoughts in my mind then I could produce in words. If only I could spill these thoughts onto the keys of my laptop and do so without judgment from anyone. Maybe If I did so, the advice that I long for would suddenly pop up in the comment box. Or not.
I get troubled with the fact that I feel a tad hopeless in some situations. I try to seek good in all people. I really do. But perhaps I seek the good in the wrong people. I seek good in some people more than others. But then again, I suppose some people need more chances than others. I give more opportunities to certain people. I give them the opportunity to show me their good. In the end, I've only been slightly successful in this. In fact, I have found that those who have demonstrated this "good" from the beginning have measured up to my expectations. They have confirmed my thoughts on how there is good in all. I have found that I hold on for dear life to those people because they are the proof I have in the "good" theory. So I force myself to think good of all people. That is of course until they tear my heart to pieces and convince me they are not good.
Clarification about the good theory: "Good" in the sense of good in MY life.
So if someone convinces me otherwise of their goodness, then perhaps they can be good in someone else's life but not in mine.

I think i'm worth the change. I know I sound self absorbed and snooty, but I honestly think i'm worth it. I'm worth the trouble. I'm worth the challenge. I'm worth the risk.

Why?

Because I know in my heart, that If that one person thinks I'm worth it all, then they will be worth it all to me.
Sad thing is, I'm learning slowly but surely that when only ONE person has this mind set of placing the other before them, then only that ONE person will be doing all the work. And so its a lonely love being shared with another.
February 14th is around the corner and I almost hope it turns the other corner and goes back. I dont know what to expect from that particular day. Parts of me say he will:
A. Bring me something because he feels he has to if not he'll look bad.
B. Bring me something because he really means it and wants to let me know he cares.
C. Bring me nothing and blame it on lack of money/memory.



In conclusion, I'm in a pickle.

...and I'd much rather be in a bowl of orange sherbet.

Twenty-Eleven.

A new year. How exciting. Although with all honesty, the sound of "twenty eleven" or "two-thousand-eleven" does not sound at all exciting. It sounds quite cheesy in-fact. But perhaps the sound of the words don't mean much, but what it actually is, should be something like a fresh, new, crisp canvas. There layed before you is your second chance (or for those of you; your 3rd, 4th,...etc. chance). Here is your brand spankin' new chance for you to begin that and to achieve those goals you've kept hidden for so long. Take advantage of it.

It could be your last chance.

Life is so precious. How many more days do you honestly think you have left on this earth. Now, I'm not here to write all dreary and to stick deathly ideas down your throat. I'm simply reminding you; here is your chance to start over! As my dad spoke this early Sunday morning during our church service; His sermon was about our New Year's resolutions. He gave the congregation a few statistics and some of them read that only about 25% of people complete their New Year's Resolution. The rest of the 75% don't even make it past January. That's pretty sad. What's even sadder is that I'm 100% sure that I'm a part of those statistics.
I know I have my fair share of incompletes.
Another thing is that make sure to realize what exactly you are putting forth as your most important New Year's Resolution. Mine was to drink more water and to go to more concerts this year and to learn to control the sound board better and to.. and to..and to....
And to what?
My New Year's Resolutions are worthless. Why? Because I have NOTHING if I have not God. I have NOTHING if I have not Christ as my personal savior.
How much more important is going to concerts more this year than to ask forgiveness to those I have hurt? How much more important is it to drink more water this year, if I don't first learn to love others and to truly live that way.
How much more important is it to do all these things, than to accept Christ as our savior or to reconcile with Him and to grow closer to Him. He is who holds our life at the palm of His hands. He is the one who gives us LIFE and who gives us LOVE and JOY and PEACE and so much more.
He should be our prioritized New Year's Resolution.
So this year, my new year's resolution will be to love God more.
Happy New Years. ~2011~