Heartache.

I write poems once in a blue moon. Usually when a few impacting things occur in my life. I'm not the best writer, but it's how I deal.



I now understand what heartache feels like.
Every word you said was a slap and strike.
I saw unsureness in you from the very start.
Yet you told me your "Love you's" and "Miss you's" were from the heart.
I knew they were lies by the way you spoke them to me.
You were clear as glass, through you I could see.
You were never ready for me although I asked many a time.
“Do you love me now? Do you want to be mine?”
I did my very best to impress you and make you happy.
It was all insufficient for you, to you I was crappy.
But that's how you made me feel.
I was insignificant and worthless; you treated me like no big deal.
What hurts me the most is not that you gave nothing;
It just kills me to see that you wouldn't even try, not even something.
You gave your life and tears to a game on a computer and tv screen.
But for the one who stood in front of you, you gave nothing for this teen.
Every fight we endured was me saying I love you.
You rejected my words and there was nothing I could do.
I waited one last moment to see if you would return for my love.
That day I prayed every second to my God above.
But you never came back for me because to you I was better left.
You stealing my heart was just a game of robbery and theft.
I wish I could say “You gave up on me”, but you never gave anything at all.
You put YOU in front of everyone and ignored me when I'd fall.
When we were done with, you said "We can still be friends".
You think that you giving me your pity is how it all ends!?
What makes you think I need your friendship?
Get those ideas out of your head and get a fresh grip.
So go and leave me. I really don't mind.
I was simply giving you this last goodbye.
I was making sure you acknowledged the time you made me waste.
Letting you know all these things I had been faced.
I might have been known to you as a simple and harmless girl,
but this poem was to make you see that I'm a priceless pearl.
And I’m sorry but you'll never find another like me.
So stop your searching, cause’ darling I’m free.

I spoke/wrote too soon.

So..about the last post. Ironic how things occur so suddenly. I have come to realize that the possible bump in the road was actually the flashing neon sign. Odd how both look strangely alike. Either way, I feel quite relieved. I now understand the meaning of the saying "a weight has been lifted from my shoulders".
So yes, my little relationship status on my Facebook has been changed. Funny how important that little status seems to be. It shouldn't be that way though.
It was a lovely near 5 months I had with this dude, but I don't think I could have handled any more. They were sufficient to teach me what I needed to know about others but most importantly, about myself.

God is amazing.
I honestly thought the whole break up process to be "ouch worthy", but it wasn't at all. It was strange. I mean...he was my first boyfriend after all. BUT God brought this grand peace in my heart. Very comforting and strong. God is by my side and He holds my hand. I gave Him that burden, and He has taken control of it. I'm very much happy. :)

It's done! Onto another piece of my life. A new chapter. An new story.
Who wants to be included in it? There'll be cookies!...and jello. :)

A pebble?

You know that common saying that "It's just a bump in the road"? Well there are times when I wonder if it is simply a bump in the road or a warning sign telling you not to go any further.
I don't know, but whether its a bump in the road or a flashing neon sign, I seem be crossing whatever it is quite often.
Relationships are difficult! Tell me something new... :P
Likewise, I'd say relationships are fulfilling. I'm very much content with my boyfriend (whom I refer to as my sweetness). But of course we both bicker incessantly like an "old couple" as my sister so often reminds me. I guess its our way of playfully making conversation when we find nothing to discuss. Our bickering never truly turns into something huge, but at the same time; when will I know its limits? When will it cease? Is it a bump in the road or the neon sign as mentioned earlier?

Time will tell.
Funny thin is, I mentioned to my sweetness some time back, that how will I know that all this time spent together will have not gone wasted?
Life itself is a life lesson.
Each situation and experience can be used to train us and help us understand better for the future. But I really do care for this dude. haha :)

I've been listening to too many Bruno Mars songs!
I'd catch a grenade for ya...throw my hand on a blade for ya....

and then that other one...When I see her face..there's not a thing that I would change, cause girl youre amazing, just. the. way. you. are.

Darn those amazing lyrical skills!!!
They get me all in a dreamlike state and make me think of what is, what will be, and what can be.


IN OTHER NEWS!!!: I've been back in the art scene. :)
Have you seen my work around town? Maybe in the galleries?
Perhaps you've caught a glimpse of my work in the homes of your fellow colleagues or peers?
Hahahahaha................I wish. But I can dream. ;)

Well the pic is of my current project. Am I lame for being soooo traditional?
Almost grandma-like. (Hey! grandmas are cool ;))
no, but really. I have no creativity what. so. ever. and thats pretty sad. but I rely on the ideas of others on which to thrive. Also, I lack painting skill.

I'm not big on acrylics and even much less on oils. -_-
Would someone care to tutor me on such skills?

The people I know are not very much into the subject. But oh how lovely would it be to surround myself with such people!!!
I can't help but interest myself in people with completely different styles than mine own though. very fun. :)